Love may seem so complicated
But my heart knows it is simply this:
I want you to be happy.
That, to me, is stronger than I love you,
Bolder than I can’t live without you,
Truer than I am always here…
I want you to be happy.
To the one I love, on the day you find the one you love…
I am writing this letter at a moment when you haven’t met her yet, when you’re still in this “phase” when you’re still with me. There is comfort in the certainty that you and I are never meant to be. At least I get to be ready. At least I get to plan my feelings out. At least I get to be really honest before the situation gets in the way. At least I get to write you this letter.
I am writing this letter at a moment of exhilarating joy and gratitude for still having you in my life. I am counting the days, the hours, the moments, the memories. How few and far between, and yet how strong and clear. Oh, how you make you happy, how the very thought of you makes me smile. And yet, how the heartbreak looms like a cathedral.
I am writing this letter at a moment of silent sadness. You told me you had low self esteem by way of a joke, but I wasn’t laughing. It broke my heart to know you feel that way about yourself. And it doesn’t help either that the kind of love I’m offering is considered by most to be unnatural, abominable, sinful, leading you to question yourself even more.
It is that moment that brought me to this moment right here.
I am writing this letter at a moment of bittersweet hope. For the future. For that day when you find the one you love. I entrust you to her to make you happy the way you made me happy. I entrust you to her to heal you, to complete you, to make you whole. She will not just be a phase. She will be forever. And you, her monument of eternal love.
I love you so much, I am still aching from all the joy. But you deserve so much better than to be with the one who loves you. You deserve to be with the one you love.
You are not the love of my life. You are the love of my lifetimes.
Maybe I have yet to learn something from this life. Maybe I am not yet ready to share my life with you. That is why we can never be together. In this life.
But one thing is certain.
You are the love of my lifetimes. And I’ll spend my lifetimes looking for you, trying to win your love, loving you. And I’ll never stop until I have you here with me.
Is it folly to be so sure of something? I don’t know.
All I know is I love you.
Hope is the power of the mind and the heart combined.
One day, I hope you realize. You are not lost. You are home.
I guess I’m just glad I can still feel my heart even when it’s broken. I’m alive.
Thank you for coming into my life. I hope you’ll stay. And even if at some point you’d want to go, I hope you’ll still come visit sometime.
What do I always say? I’m always here for you. Always.
Time will be the true test of our friendship and I am greatly confident that we will survive the years. I can’t wait for the day when we can chill over coffee, laugh about this, tell stories of our lives so far, shake hands, wish each other well, say goodbye and go home to the rest of our own lives. I would have loved you fully then. I would have proven the sincerity of my love.
Letting go is not said, it is done.
Everyone else is a mere footnote to you, the greatest story of my life.
Just between the two of us…
You will always matter.
And you will always have my heart.
Letting go only becomes painful when I try so hard not to love you. So why should I make it any harder for me than it already is? This love will die in the natural course of time. No point not showing it while it is still alive.
I’m tired of bitter endings. I can’t wait for that time when we can just be friends. Wouldn’t that be some sort of happy ending, too?
Everyday I wake up feeling sorry, like I’ve let you down, like I’ve given up too fast too soon, like letting you go was one big, terrible mistake.
Every fucking day.
You don’t know it. But the best part of my day is waking up to check how you are on Facebook. Since we’ve stopped communicating, it’s the only way I’d ever get to hear from you. I’m happy to know that you’re alright, that you’re fine without me.
The thought of letting go seemed easy at that time, when I thought you’d always be there for me, when I thought I can just call on you whenever I need to anyway. But now that you said you’ve lost your phone, it feels like I’ve really lost you for real now. Suddenly your world has walls I cannot get past through and you’re miles and miles away from me.
I know it was my idea to let go. But now, it feels like this is not the way I want things to be.
Random Daze theme by Polaraul
